dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The Olympian is in my bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
