He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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