Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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