idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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