My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
