Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
