I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize