you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
