also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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