You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
