sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
