This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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