cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
