Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
