I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
