I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
