wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
