Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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