I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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