She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
