i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
