I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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