I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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