I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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