boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
