my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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