yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
