you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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