I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
