Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
