Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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