Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
