I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
