fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
