I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
