My first STD was from a foam party
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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