I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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