i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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