6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
