I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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