My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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