Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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