Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
