a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
