all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
