Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just took my morning after pill in the library
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
