I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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