it's like iHOP with fire
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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