The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
