When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
