I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
