So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
