I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
