thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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