Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
