is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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