take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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