you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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