Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
