I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize