My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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