Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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