What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
