She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
