My underwear smells like fireworks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
