girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
