I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
