I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
