So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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