Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
