By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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