I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
