Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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