I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
