I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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