you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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