she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
