hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
