I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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