Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My vagina is very pro this idea
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
