I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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