I just made out with a guy for $7.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
