Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
