I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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