I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize