If i come over, it means nothing
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
