I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
