I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
