lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
