i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
