let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
