There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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