tell your sister to shave her snatch
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
