Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
