I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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