Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize